A typical group of Earth humans, as seen by visitors from the stars. Diversity is their strength!
A Guide for Visiting Earthlings
Welcome, intergalactic traveler! Here are some tips to help you understand the curious creatures known as "humans."
- "Take me to your leader": Earth has no single leader. There are many countries, each with their own leaders. If you ask this, expect confusion, a laugh, or a trip to the nearest fast food manager.
- Greetings: A handshake is common, but some prefer a wave, a nod, or just a smile. Avoid probing or mind-melding without permission.
How to Greet a Human
- Handshakes: The classic greeting. Firm but not bone-crushing. If you have tentacles, improvise.
- Waves & Nods: Safe for all species. Waving with more than two arms may cause excitement.
- Smiles: Universal sign of friendliness. Practice in the mirror to avoid alarming locals.
- What NOT to Do: Mind-melding, probing, or surprise hugs are discouraged unless invited.
Tip: When in doubt, mimic what the human does. If they bow, bow back. If they dance, consider joining in. - Food: Humans eat a wide variety of things. Not all are edible for aliens. Ask before sampling!
Dining on Earth: A Survival Guide
- Variety: From pizza to pickles, sushi to snails—Earth cuisine is vast and sometimes confusing.
- Etiquette: Use utensils unless told otherwise. Slurping is polite in some places, rude in others. Eating with your hands is common for pizza, frowned upon for soup.
- Allergies & Warnings: Some foods are spicy, some are sweet, some are best left to the imagination. Always ask before tasting.
- What NOT to Eat: Table decorations, shoes, and small pets are off-limits.
Tip: Complimenting the chef is always appreciated. If you can't identify your meal, smile and nod. - Language: There are thousands of languages. English is common, but not universal. Gestures help, but beware: some mean different things in different places.
Speaking Human: A Crash Course
- Many Tongues: Over 7,000 languages! English is common, but don't panic if you hear Klingon or Pig Latin.
- Gestures: Thumbs up means "good" in most places, but not everywhere. Waving, nodding, and smiling are usually safe.
- Translation Tech: Apps can help, but may call someone a "cabbage" by mistake. Use with caution.
- When in Doubt: Speak slowly, use pictures, or try interpretive dance. Laughter is a universal language.
Tip: If you misunderstand, just ask. Earthlings appreciate the effort! - Pets: Many humans keep small animals for companionship. Do not eat, abduct, or communicate telepathically with them (unless invited).
Earth Pets: Furry, Feathered, and Funny
- Common Types: Dogs (loyal, sometimes drooly), cats (aloof, secretly in charge), fish (decorative, rarely conversational), birds (musical, occasionally mischievous), and hamsters (tiny escape artists).
- Strange Behaviors: Pets may chase their own tails, bark at invisible threats, or demand food at 3 a.m. This is considered normal and even adorable.
- Communication: Expect barking, meowing, chirping, or interpretive dance. Most pets do not understand Galactic Standard, but respond well to treats and belly rubs.
- Service Animals: Some pets have important jobs! Service animals (often dogs) help humans with disabilities—guiding, alerting, or providing comfort. These animals are working and should not be distracted, abducted, or challenged to chess matches.
Tip: Complimenting a human's pet is a great way to make friends. Never ask a cat for directions. - Weather: It changes often. Humans love to talk about it, especially when they have nothing else to say.
What to Expect:
- Variety: Earth’s weather can shift from sunny to rainy, hot to cold, or calm to stormy—sometimes in a single day! Pack for all possibilities.
- Seasons: Most regions experience four seasons: spring (mild and rainy), summer (warm or hot), autumn (cooler, leaves fall), and winter (cold, sometimes snowy). Near the equator, it may be warm year-round.
- Weather Hazards: Some areas have storms, hurricanes, tornadoes, or blizzards. Check local forecasts and seek shelter if alarms sound. Earthlings take these seriously.
Tip: Weather apps and news sites provide up-to-date forecasts. Carrying an umbrella or light jacket is wise. Talking about the weather is a friendly way to start a conversation with humans! -
Money: Most things on Earth require a special form of paper or digital value called "money." Shiny rocks and galactic credits are not accepted (yet).
How to Get Earth Money:
- Jobs: Many humans earn money by working at jobs. These can include helping in shops, building things, teaching, driving, or even making art. Jobs are usually found by searching online, asking locals, or visiting businesses directly.
- Services: Offering a helpful service—like fixing things, cleaning, or sharing knowledge—can earn you money. Earthlings often pay for things that save them time or make life easier.
- Creative Ways: Some humans earn money by performing music, making crafts, or entertaining others in public spaces (called "busking"). Others sell items they no longer need.
Tip: Always agree on payment before starting a job or service. Most money is exchanged using paper bills, coins, or digital methods like cards and phones.
Leadership on Earth
Earth is home to nearly 200 countries, each with its own government and leaders. There is no single planetary authority. Leadership styles vary widely, from elected officials to monarchs and councils. When in doubt, ask a local who is in charge in that area.
Cultural Diversity
Earth’s population is incredibly diverse. Customs, traditions, and beliefs can change from one region to another. What is polite in one place may be odd or even rude elsewhere. Approach new cultures with curiosity and respect, and you’ll be welcomed warmly.
Communication
Humans communicate in thousands of languages and dialects. Technology like translation apps can help, but misunderstandings are common. Nonverbal cues—like smiles, gestures, and tone—are important, but their meanings can differ. When confused, politely ask for clarification.
Global Challenges
Earthlings face challenges such as climate change, resource shortages, and disagreements between groups. Many humans are working together to solve these problems. Visitors are encouraged to observe, learn, and, if possible, share peaceful solutions from their own worlds.
Places to Land — Small, Medium, Large (and Orbital Parking)
Not all visitors arrive the same way. Below is a friendly primer on where different craft can safely land (or park) on Earth, plus a short note on orbital parking for very large or fragile vessels.
Small Craft
Light scout ships and single-crew shuttles can usually land in cleared fields, friendly airstrips, or designated heliports.
- Preferred: private airstrips, rural fields with owner permission, and certified landing pads.
- Surface tolerance: high—many small craft handle atmospheric entry well.
- Local rules: request permission; local fauna and weather matter.
Think: graceful touchdown, friendly wave, and minimal paperwork.
Medium Craft
Medium transports should use commercial airports, cleared military strips by arrangement, or large remote plains.
- Preferred: international/regional airports (with coordination) or long, reinforced runways.
- Surface tolerance: moderate—some heat shielding and descent control necessary.
- Coordination: file a Notice to Air Missions (NOTAM) equivalent with local authorities.
Think: a dignified arrival with an informed ground crew and a good parking spot.
Large/Heavy Craft
Very large vessels that cannot cope with atmospheric stress are best kept in high orbit or secured to maritime transport platforms.
- Preferred: orbital parking or slow, controlled oceanic descent with specialized marine recovery teams.
- Surface tolerance: low—avoid atmospheric landings unless equipped with heavy shielding and descent thrusters.
- Coordination: international maritime and space authorities should be notified; environmental impact reviews may apply.
Think: graceful orbital ballet rather than a dramatic splashdown—bring flotation if coming near oceans.
Orbital Parking & Quarantine (Guidance)
For ships that prefer not to land: a simple orbital parking protocol helps coordinate safe arrivals and limits atmospheric risks.
- Recommended holding orbits: Low Earth Parking Orbit (LEPO) at ~400–600 km for short visits; High Parking Orbit (HPO) at ~1,000–2,000 km for long-stay or very-large craft.
- Orbital slot etiquette: Broadcast intended station-keeping vector and preferred docking window on emergency band 142.8 MHz (fictional example) and await clearance from local space traffic authorities.
- Quarantine & environmental safety: Use a one-pass disinfection and telemetry handshakes before any surface-contact missions. Avoid biological contact until cleared by local health officials.
- Emergency descent: Designate maritime recovery coordinates off-shelf (e.g., International Recovery Zone Alpha: 10°N, 150°W) if immediate surface support is required.
Teleportation & Safe Arrival Coordinates
For visitors who prefer instantaneous arrival: designated Teleport Landing Zones (TLZs) reduce risk and help humans understand where to meet you. Teleportation should be coordinated and consented to by local authorities to avoid startling populations or interfering with infrastructure.
Small TLZs
- Use: Individual scouts and single-beam arrivals (low energy).
- Examples: Public parks or cleared urban plazas during off-hours.
- Example (fictional): 37.7749°N, 122.4194°W — Parkside TLZ (coordinate examples only).
Medium TLZs
- Use: Small delegations, medium payloads, and short group visits.
- Examples: Stadium grounds, large public squares, or municipal fairgrounds (permit required).
- Example (fictional): 34.0522°N, 118.2437°W — Riverside Stadium TLZ (coordinate examples only).
Large TLZs & Containment
- Use: Large delegations or high-energy dematerialization—prefer orbital staging or maritime transfer when possible.
- Examples: Salt flats, remote deserts, or secured military ranges with environmental oversight.
- Example (fictional): 40.0000°N, 110.0000°W — Great Salt Field TLZ (coordinate examples only).
Teleport Etiquette & Safety
- Announce Arrival: Transmit your intent and arrival window on the agreed public channel; give humans time to clear the zone.
- Consent: Never materialize on private property or inside buildings without explicit permission from local authorities and occupants.
- Quarantine: Perform a telemetry handshake and one-pass decontamination before any close contact with local life-forms.
- Fallback: Always provide a fallback physical rendezvous point (e.g., nearby TLZ park or an appointed admin point) in case of quantum drift.
- Legal: Follow local laws—some jurisdictions treat unscheduled teleportation as trespass or a security incident.
These teleportation spots and protocols are fictional guidance for visitor safety. Actual arrivals must be coordinated with local authorities and follow international and domestic laws. Comevisit.earth encourages respectful, consent-driven contact.
Remember: Earthlings are easily startled but mostly harmless. Enjoy your visit!